Drunky, drunky Drama-Queen writing.
I want to quit. I want to quit all of this. No matter how hard I try, I always seem to fall into this same shitty pattern. The later it gets, the more miserable I become. Why do I become this anyway?
I felt sooooo~ good today, yes I did. I felt so damn good yesterday. Because I thought I had gotten over this, over you. I smiled at strangers passing by, I laughed heartily whilst on my own in the forest. I never do stuff like that.
I tried every-fucking-thing to get over this. I rode my bike, several times, I went jogging, I went for a walk, ... I wanted to stop thinking about this for a while. At least for the holidays. I guess I failed. I suck so bad. I can't sleep. It's getting late, you know.
Do you know creating a dream in your head before you finally try to relax and fall asleep? Do you know how exhausting it gets to do that every fucking night? Do you know how alone one feels who starts talking to one's self, everytime there is a door to be locked and nobody hears you? Do you know how it feels to be the only one being interested in what you have to say? And do you know how hard it is to stay interested?
I mean, I heard this all in my head. I heard it all talking to myself once and twice and a hundred times. I'm tired of hearing me talk to myself.
How schizo does that sound to you bitch, huh?
Yeah, never call me back, never care...I know you have a hard life. Mine is just kindergarden, right? I have nothing to worry about. NOTHING! Which - as a matter of fact - equals ... nothing.
Yes, good night. I hope there are more insomniacs out there, sitting in front of their computers, trying to get through time.