Wow, I mean seriously...wow.
So much stuff happening all at once. Like always. First you don't know what to handle and when and then you're idle. I'm both.
I cannot do anything that helps others. I feel so ashamed and useless because so many friends of mine seem to live a crappy life and it goes crappier by the minute and me? I'm fine, but still miserable.
Why and how could I complain to them?
I always seem to get away from bad things, which with no doubt is a good fucking thing. Nobody talks behind my back about me. Those who do, well, I do know about and I feel fine with it mostly. But I want to complain. Because for me it starts with these small things. Of course that's no big deal for somebody who got raped or physically destroyed by a parent - which I obviously had no contact with - but for me it does. And funny thing or not...that fact does tear me apart in my depression. It's the deepest pain I know if you take away heartbreak...Which maybe also is nothing compared to being tortured almost to death.
But I think and I guess I'm right...I am not in the position to compare pain... BUT something in my chest is seriously damaged and I accepted it, because I don't have the means to change it and so I don't complain about it....But why oh why can I not complain about these trvival things to you anymore?
I don't wanna burden you and your crappy lives.