It feels like we're already flying but the air is too thin and we're dying. The clouds all around take us higher, the world far below is on fire. I hold out my hand just to touch you. A reason for being forever. You're just a whisper away.
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Crap.

Wow, I mean seriously...wow.

So much stuff happening all at once. Like always. First you don't know what to handle and when and then you're idle. I'm both. 

I cannot do anything that helps others. I feel so ashamed and useless because so many friends of mine seem to live a crappy life and it goes crappier by the minute and me? I'm fine, but still miserable. 

Why and how could I complain to them?

I always seem to get away from bad things, which with no doubt is a good fucking thing. Nobody talks behind my back about me. Those who do, well, I do know about and I feel fine with it mostly. But I want to complain. Because for me it starts with these small things. Of course that's no big deal for somebody who got raped or physically destroyed by a parent - which I obviously had no contact with - but for me it does. And funny thing or not...that fact does tear me apart in my depression. It's the deepest pain I know if you take away heartbreak...Which maybe also is nothing compared to being tortured almost to death. 

But I think and I guess I'm right...I am not in the position to compare pain... BUT something in my chest is seriously damaged and I accepted it, because I don't have the means to change it and so I don't complain about it....But why oh why can I not complain about these trvival things to you anymore?

I don't wanna burden you and your crappy lives. 

 

10.3.11 23:57
 


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